


A Fairly Odd Kidnapping

by RickHammersteel



Category: Fairly OddParents, The Loud House (Cartoon)
Genre: Dark Comedy, F/M, Kidnapping, Please Please Please Get a Life Foundation, Ron the Death Eater, Yandere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-27 13:23:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15686280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RickHammersteel/pseuds/RickHammersteel
Summary: (Timmy has been aged up for the purposes of this fanfic.)Timmy must free himself from the clutches of a nutcase and her family.





	A Fairly Odd Kidnapping

A certain pink-hatted boy of 14 walked through the mall. His eyes began to wonder around this new location. This boy had the name of Timmy T. Turner. He was an average kid, that no really understood. Normally, he'd be miserable, especially after dealing with Vicky, or his parents, but today, he felt happy.

His parents had decided to bring him along on a trip to one Royal Woods, Michigan. A place his mom said was a part of her own childhood. They were staying for the week at his maternal grandmother's house.

Royal Woods was a nice looking place, lush greenery, a nice looking park, and a fantastic arcade in the middle of town. There was one thing making this trip a downer though.

The utter lack of his Fairy Godparents.

He hadn't lost them yet, otherwise he wouldn't be feeling bad about missing them. No, they had to send Poof away, and had to hole themselves up in their fishbowl castle, for what Cosmo called,"A terrifying disease."

Timmy wasn't quite sure what his godfather meant...

\------

Cosmo's heart beated against his chest as he hid under the table. His wife had contracted a terrifying disease, one that plagued fairy couples. It was a weekly disease, but for him, it felt like decades.

"Cosmo..." Wanda's voice echoed. It had a husky, suggestive tone to it,"I want to see your wand..."

"Normally, I'd be happy to do that, but right now, you're kind of crazy!" Cosmo shouted, then he immediately clamped his mouth shut.

Wanda ripped the table off, and looked down at him with a suggestive grin,"Hey there, honey..." She leaned down.

Cosmo backed away,"Uh, hi?" He brought out a plate of cookies,"Are you hungry? I got cookies!"

Wanda tossed the cookies away,"I'm not hungry for those..." She crouched down, and wiggled her butt,"I'm hungry for you~!" She shouted as she pounced on him.

"Ah!" The fishbowl shook, and then stopped,"Oh, my..."

\-------

Timmy sighed. He supposed he was on his own for now. He handled the Darkness just fine without them, so he could handle any sort of weirdness that may happen to him as he walks the floors of the mall.

He then bumped into someone. Timmy fell over and then looked up as he saw a girl his age rubbing her forehead. She had brown hair tied into a ponytail and wore a white shirt with a little yellow skirt. She looked up at him, and smiled, showing her braced teeth," Sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going!"

Timmy got up and chuckled,"Actually, my mind was elsewhere, that happens sometimes." He reached his hand down and helped the girl up.

She smiled at him, before giving him a puzzled look,"You have a pink hat..."

"Yeah, Mom and Dad thought I was going to be a girl." Timmy scratched the back of his head.

The girl's eyes went half-lidded,"You have a nice pair of teeth..."

"Yeah, they're really popular with the ladies, surprisingly," Timmy said. That was what his friends keep telling him every time a girl revealed her crush on him.

"I'm Luan, by the way," She gave a husky voice,"And I think you're really cute..."

"Yeah, I hear that a lot-What are you doing!?" Timmy gasped as Luan forced a piece of white cloth to his mouth,"Mmmf!" He struggled, before blacking out.

\-------

Timmy moaned as he woke up. He noticed that the room he was in seemed to have a combination of rock and roll paraphernalia and comedy gizmos. At first, he thought this girl just had plenty of interests, but the existence of the bunk bed in the corner led him to realize that she wasn't an only child. He heard footsteps as Luan came into his vision.

"Wakey wakey, sleepyhead." Luan gave a malicious chuckle.

Timmy gave a heavy sigh,"Why do I keep getting the crazies?"

Luan looked at him confused,"What?"

"Would you believe that this wasn't the first time I got kidnapped by a girl?" Timmy said.

"... What kind of life have you led?" Luan asked.

"Girl, you wouldn't believe me if I told you." Timmy gave a snarl,"Now get me out of here! Help!" He shouted.

Luan shook her head,"Don't bother screaming for help, Timmy." She gave a dark chuckle.

Then the door opened, and a blonde young woman walked in, holding a phone,"Luan, what the-"

Timmy looked at the woman, who appeared to be this girl's older sister,"Help."

The woman looked at Luan,"Luan..."

"Yeah, Lori?" Luan asked.

"How dare you..." Lori narrowed her eyes,"Kidnap a boy without letting me take a selfie first!" She smiled and sped over to the two. Lori held the phone up, allowing Luan, Timmy, and Lori to smile as the picture was taken.

Lori walked away,"This is literally the cutest thing ever!"

Luan coughed as she went to Timmy's front,"There, now we can get down to what I want with you, Timmy."

Timmy struggled,"My parents will find me, you know, they'll stop you!"

"Don't worry, they're not coming. I told them that you went home with a friend, and you'll be... tied up for the moment!" Luan giggled,"Get it?"

Timmy rolled his eyes,"I get it, you're just not funny."

Luan crossed her arms,"Everybody's a critic."

Then the door was open again, and a shorter blonde girl wearing a blue dress, and a pair of sunglasses on her head walked in. Another sister?

"Hey, Luan, where did my sunglasses go?" The girl asked.

"On your head, Leni." Luan sighed.

The girl touched her head,"Oh, there they are!" She smiled before walking out.

Luan ran to the door and closed it. She locked it before turning to smile at Timmy,"There, no more interruptions!"

Then the door was opened again, and a black haired girl wearing a purple shirt walked by her,"Hey Luan, Hey Hostage."

"Luna, how did you get in!?" Luan shouted.

Luna held up a pair of keys,"I sleep here?"

Luan stared at the keys, and frowned,"Oh, right." She pointed to Timmy,"Well, can't you see I'm busy!?"

"And my song writing needs to be done here." Luna put her hands on hips,"And my best inspiration comes from my beanbag chair!" She plopped herself down on the chair in question.

Luan was about to say something, then sighed,"Alright, but don't interrupt!"

"You two won't even know I'm here." Luna put on a pair of headphones.

Timmy's jaw went slack,"Why!?"

"She gets her best inspiration here," Luan repeated.

"That's not what I was asking!" Timmy snarled through gritted teeth. Great, all of her sisters were crazy. Well, at least there were only three that would ignore his plight.

Then a football smacked into his head. Great, she has brothers!?

Then a girl with a brown ponytail wearing a jersey ran in,"Whoops, sorry Hostage."

"Lynn!" Luan snarled,"I'm busy here! Stop being ballsy!" She then giggled,"Get it?"

"Still not funny!" Timmy shouted.

"Hey, don't insult my sister, jerk!" Lynn responded by punching him in the arm.

"Ow, you're strong for a little kid!" Timmy moaned.

"I'm 13!" Lynn punched him again.

"Ow, sorry!" Timmy gritted his teeth. Great, she has more sisters!? Were her parents rabbits or something!?

"Lynn, get out of my room!" Luan shouted.

Lynn picked up her ball, and walked out,"Alright, alright. By the way, dinner's ready, Mom says to bring the hostage some pizza."

Her Mom knows!?

Luan frowned,"Fine," She turned and stroked Timmy's shoulder,"We'll do this later..."

Timmy watched as she and her sister walked away. He sighed, where were Cosmo and Wanda when he needed them?

\-------

Cosmo moaned as he limped away,"Come back, honey." He heard his wife say.

"But, Wanda... my magic's spent!" Cosmo moaned before a series of tentacles came out and grabbed him,"No!"

\-------

The two sisters walked back in, Luna taking her place on the beanbag chair, and Luan stuffing the pizza in Timmy's face. It was good pizza at least. Timmy finished it, and then spotted a white haired little boy walking by the room. A boy! A boy would certainly know his plight!"Hey, kid!"

The boy stopped and looked at him.

"Tell your sister to stop tormenting me!"

The boy looked at Luan, who was pulling stuff out of her box,"Hey, Luan."

Luan looked at him.

"Cut it out." the boy said with a point.

"No," Luan said.

"Eh, it was worth a shot." The boy walked away.

"No!" Timmy screamed,"Come on!" He sighed. Then he thought for a moment,"Hey, how many siblings do you have!?"

Luan got up from her box, and looked at him,"Ten."

"... Half-Siblings, right?" Timmy questioned.

"Full." Luan smiled.

"... Your parents must love each other very much." Timmy said with a deadpan.

Luan's eyes widened in horror,"We had to soundproof their room."

"Totally understand," Timmy said with a sigh.

Luan looked back at her box, and frowned,"Phooey, I left my stuff in Vanzilla. I'll be right back." She walked out of the room.

Timmy sighed, then he noticed a short black haired goth girl staring at him. At least, he thought she was staring at him, he couldn't really tell.

The goth girl pulled out a book,"Finally, someone new I could tell my poetry to."

Timmy's eyes widened,"No!"

Luan walked back, and frowned, noticing that Lucy was finishing a bit of poetry, and Timmy's mouth was foaming,"Lucy, didn't you learn your lesson the last time!?"

Lucy looked at her,"Sigh, I know, but I like it when my work reaches people other than my family."

Luan patted her on the head,"I know, I understand. Now out!" She pointed out of her room,"Delays, delays, nothing but delays..." She muttered as she walked over to Timmy, only to hear

"Luan!" A little girl wearing a pink dress stood in the doorway,"I wanna borrow your hostage for my tea party!"

Luan's eye twitched,"No, Lola!" She shouted, turning to her in anger.

"Pwease!" The little girl gave her puppy dog eyes.

Luan winced at this,"... Okay, fine, you can borrow him, but I want him back!"

"Yay!" Lola grabbed Timmy's chair and pulled him away.

Timmy frowned in annoyance,"This is humiliating." he muttered as he was being dragged away towards the little girl's room.

Lola placed him at the table and began to sit down,"Now, Mister Hostage, what would you like with your tea?"

"Freedom?" Timmy said in a deadpan voice.

"Want two!?" Lola took a tea cup and pretended to pour out some tea.

"Yes!" Timmy's eye twitched,"I'd love to have two of freedom." His voice began to squeak in frustration.

"Here ya go!" Lola brought the tea over to him, only for it to break due to a flying mudpie. She turned to the other occupant in the room, a girl looking much like her, except she looked like she was born in a sewer drain. Timmy assumed that they were twins," Lana!"

"Sorry, figured he'd find that a little boring!" Lana said, looking at Timmy through her cap.

Timmy stuck his tongue out,"Yeah, I think I preferred a clean tea party to this."

"But I though boys like this kind of thing!" Lana put her hands on her hips.

Timmy frowned, then he gave an insane grin,"Well, didn't you know that boys hate being KIDNAPPED!?"

"Dude, where are you going?" Lana asked.

"What do you-"Timmy then noticed that he was shimmering,"What the-?"

Timmy found himself out of his bindings, and in a small room with a crib,"Where am I?"

"In my room, specimen." A little toddler with glasses stood on a stool,"You are now free from my sister's clutches."

Timmy let out a sigh of relief. Finally, a member of this family who wasn't crazy.

"Now you can tell me..." The little girl pulled out a huge laser gun,"Where are they!?" She shouted.

Of course, he was wrong. When was Timmy ever right!?"Where are what!?" Timmy stepped back towards the window.

"Your fairies! My magic detector found traces of fairy dust on you, I know you have-" The girl then spasmed out,"FAIRIES!" She blinked,"Whoa, where did that come from?"

Timmy shrugged,"You know, I don't know." He then frowned,"Look, if I had fairies, don't you think I'd have wished myself away from this... madhouse by now!?"

The girl frowned,"Good point..." Then her door opened.

Luan stood there, wearing a yellow leather shirt showing her midriff, and a yellow leather skirt,"Lisa, why did you teleport my hostage away?"

"Sorry, Sibling, but I had to find his fairies. He's yours now." Lisa said, putting her laser gun away.

Timmy stared at Luan's ensemble. Man, Timmy thought, She did look good in it. If only she didn't kidnap him."Nope!" He spun around and jumped through the window.

Luan giggled,"You're not getting away from me!" She leaped through the window and then proceeded to bounce after him.

\-------

Luan and Timmy sat on different chairs in a movie studio, looking at you, the reader. Timmy spoke up,"Hi, I'm Timmy Turner."

Luan smiled,"And I'm Luan Loud."

"We had a lot of fun here today, but the topic we're discussing is no laughing matter." Timmy shook his head.

"We at the Loud House had to exaggerate our characters, to the point where we were antagonists. But that can't happen all the time!" Luan frowned,"Otherwise we'd suffer from a horrible, horrible disease known as..."

"Death Eater-itis!" Timmy said, causing Luan to gasp,"A horrible disease that plagues fanfiction!"

"A perfectly nice character would suddenly turn into a horrible monster because some person with a computer thinks that's how the character would act!" Luan said with a frown,"Sometimes, it can happen suddenly, and it would then be horribly written!"

"Usually it happens because the writer is overly sensitive and can't take a joke." Timmy shook his head.

"Other times, it's for a ship." Luan shrugged,"Especially when it involves incest. Ew."

A bunch of words appeared next to them,"Here are some symptoms: Out-of-Characterness, Badly written interactions, and headbanging." Timmy said with a smile.

"So, please, help us stop the spread of Death Eater-itis and give to the Please, Please, Please Get a Life Foundation, and prevent insane writers from writing terrible parody fics at 1:00 in the morning." Luan said, cupping her hands together as a phone number appeared at the bottom,"Call 1-800-DeathEater."

"Remember, give to the PPPGF Foundation, and you may save a character's reputation." Timmy gave a sagely nod.

"Now, speaking of numbers..." Luan turned to Timmy with a wry grin,"What's yours?"

"Don't forget to stay in school, bye!" Timmy said quickly.

**Author's Note:**

> Believe it or not, I like Luan...


End file.
